Please help me…

I started chatting with this girl I met on an online dating site. Things were going well, so I asked her to video chat. She said that it would be more fun to meet face to face first, so we scheduled a coffee date uptown. I didn’t have a car at the time, and it was a little out of my way, but she seemed really cool, so I thought it would be worth it.

I took the hour long bus ride, but when I got there, I didn’t see her anywhere. She called me a minute later, and she was in tears. She said that her car had broken down, so she called the towing company, but then she realized that she had left her wallet at home. I said that I was sorry and asked where she was so I could come help. She told me she had no idea, and asked if she could use my credit card to pay the towing company and she would pay me back later that day. I started to get freaked out, so I asked her what towing company. She wouldn’t answer any of my questions and just kept crying and yelling at me telling me that I didn’t care about her.

Finally I hung up on her because she was too emotional. I went back home and tried calling her back but the phone number was disconnected. I went back online and saw that her profile was deleted. It turns out that the whole thing had been a scam. It really freaked me out. I couldn’t believe that it was so easy to trick a dating service.

I thought you were cool, man…

I matched with this cute girl online. We started chatting and she told me all about her job as a freelance writer. She seemed really cool so we decided to meet up for drinks after I got out of work. I clocked out and headed to the bar. We had a few drinks and she asked if we could go back to my place. Everything was going perfectly.

Then we got back to my place and she asked if I wanted to get a little dirty. I said sure, why not? But then she pulled out a bag of cocaine and took my mirror off my wall. When I told her to put it away she said she thought I was cool. I told her I didn’t want that stuff in my house and she started getting mad! She stood up and started yelling at me! I told her I was going to call the cops and then she really freaked out. She wound up running out the door screaming at the top of her lungs.

I was officially freaked out. I went back to her profile, blocked her, and googled her name. It turns out she had a warrant for her arrest out in the state of New Jersey and was wanted for criminal possession of narcotics with intent to distribute. The next day I called to report her, but her profile had been deleted. How can dating sites let crap like this happen?

I just need to use the restroom…

I finally took the plunge and decided to join a free online dating site. My best friend had met her fiancé on one, so I figured why not give it a try? After making my profile I got a message from a guy who lived on the other side of town. He was cute, charming and we had a few things in common, so we decided to meet up for dinner.

He invited me to a cute little trattoria downtown. When I showed up he was the perfect gentleman, advising me on the menu and ordering us a nice bottle of wine. The conversation was pleasant and we were having a good time. Then, right after we finished dessert he excused himself to the bathroom. Ten minutes later, he still hadn’t come back. The bill came back and it was $225. I sat there for 5 more minutes, then finally asked a waiter to check the men’s room for my date. He said the toilet was empty. I had officially been ditched. We hadn’t exchanged numbers, so I couldn’t try to get ahold of him. I had to pay the entire bill myself.

When I got home I logged in and saw his profile had been deleted. I tried calling the dating site’s customer service but got an automated response. When I finally talked to a live body the next day they said that they were not responsible for the information provided on the profiles. I felt scammed all over again. What a crappy service.

Sorry, I have to take this…

After a few days of chatting I decided to meet up with my match. He was tall, handsome, and a successful lawyer. He invited me out for a nice Italian dinner downtown. We met at 7:30, had an amazing meal, and were really hitting it off. He was such a gentleman, so when he asked me to take a walk down to the Bay, I got little butterflies and said of course!

We kept chatting, but after about 15 minutes, he got a phone call. He apologized and said he had to take it, because it was his ex-wife. I thought it was sweet that he was concerned enough to answer the phone. But after a minute he started SCREAMING at her. He kept telling her he was going to come home and kick his son’s ass!

I turned around and walked away. When I got home I did some research and found out that he had been arrested for child abuse! I blocked his number and deleted my profile. How can these sites let people like this on??

I dyed my hair so you might not recognize me right away…

I couldn’t believe how many single women I found online. There were women from all over the world! I was looking for a serious relationship, so I took my time and went through about 100 profiles. I finally found this beautiful 5 foot 3 blonde woman that loved hockey, health food, and was a Bernie supporter. I sent her a message and we hit it off right away.

She was really eager to meet up, so we set up a coffee date at the local café on jazz night. She told me she had dyed her hair, so I might not recognize her right away. I excited about meeting up with this cute girl that I had so much in common with, so I didn’t think twice about it.

I showed up about 10 minutes early, to get us good seats near the front, because I figured she’d need a seat near the front. Right before the show was about to start, this 5 foot 9 girl with curly brown hair walked up and called me by name. It took me a moment, then I realized what had happened. She had used fake pictures and tricked me into meeting up with her. My head started spinning, I yelled something about leaving a turkey in the oven and I literally ran away. I couldn’t believe that someone could use fake photos like that. What a creep!

Watch my drink, I’ll be right back…

I met this girl online and was instantly attracted to her. She was cute, so I sent her a message. After a bit of flirty chatting Caitlin told me that she had a golden retriever and worked as a freelance graphic designer to pay for studio space. Dogs and art are my passions, so I was head over heels for this girl. I asked her to meet up for drinks that Friday and she said yes. I was stoked!

When I got to the bar she was already at the bar. I walked up to her and said “Hey Caitlin!” She didn’t even acknowledge me. I tapped her on the shoulder and said “Caitlin?” She smiled and apologized, claiming that her friends usually call her Cat. I didn’t think anything of it at first.

We ordered some drinks and started chatting. She kept running to the bathroom halfway through each one, asking me to watch her drink each time. When she came back her eyes were wide and she kept sniffing. I started getting suspicious, and then someone she knew walked in and said “Hey Jenny!” I was officially freaked out.

I made up an excuse and headed home. When I got home I reverse image searched her photo on Google and found out that her name was actually Jennifer. But that wasn’t all. When I searched her full name, her MUGSHOT came up. Turns out she was arrested for possession of narcotics last year and was on probation.

She wound up calling me later that night and yelling at me for abandoning her. I told her to never contact me again and deleted my free account on the site. It really freaked me out that people could make fake profiles so easily.

Why isn’t your hair moving?

After a few days on a free online dating site, I really hit it off with a guy I met. We both worked in the health industry, loved Mediterranean food, and read mysteries. According to his profile, we were even born in the same month, I thought it was the perfect match!

We decided to meet up for dinner at a new Greek restaurant downtown. When I got there, I saw my match sitting at the bar, and his hair looked TOTALLY different than his pictures. At first I didn’t think anything of it, but something about it just looked weird. When he turned to introduce himself I was greeted by a horrible toupee. Throughout the entire dinner he kept making references to Diplo, Kanye West and other strange contemporary cultural references.

After 10 minutes of conversation I finally had had enough and asked him if we were really born in the same month. He said he had a little confession to make, he wasn’t 34 like his profile said; HE WAS 43. He apologized for this “white lie” and tried to convince me he “really was a nice guy.” I left before my appetizer came and blocked his phone number. I don’t have time for people that lie to me before I’ve even met them.

Why can’t I use your bathroom?

After a week of chatting with a guy I met online, he asked me out on a date. He was a little older than me, (I was 29 and he was 37) but he was such a gentleman, and we really hit it off, so I decided that I’d give it a shot. We decided that the first date should be casual, so we agreed to meet that weekend at a local coffee shop for lunch.

The first date went great. We talked about our hobbies, jobs and families. I felt safe and comfortable and found him charming. I went home with a smile on my face and butterflies in my stomach.

The next week, he messaged me and asked if I wanted to get together again this weekend. He lived near the theater district, so we decided to do dinner and a show. We got a nice meal at an Italian restaurant and started walking towards the theater when I suddenly realized I had to use the bathroom very badly. I asked him if his apartment was close by, and if I could run in and use the bathroom. This is where things started getting a little fishy…

He kept deflecting my questions and asking if I could just hold it until we got to the theater. I really had to go so I begged him to stop really quickly. He finally agreed to stop in quickly before heading to the theater. When we got up there, he didn’t turn any lights on, he just pointed at the bathroom and told me to use the flashlight on my phone to find it. This freaked me out so I started flipping on lights on my way in. When I got to the hallway I finally realized why he had been so sketchy.

THE HALLWAY WAS LINED WITH PICTURES OF HIS FAMILY. I found myself face to face with photography of his wife and 3 kids on family vacations throughout the years. I asked him if he was still married and he said “Yes, but things have been kind of rocky lately, she’s at her sister’s for the weekend.”

I immediately stormed out of there, blocked his number, and never spoke to him again. I felt like I had been completely violated and my trust and respect were worthless. I called the dating service to report him, but they told me that all of the information provided was “voluntary.” I decided that the next time I tried dating I would sign up for a safe and secure site that verified profile information so that I never would be set up with a liar again.

I couldn’t find parking…

I met a cute girl on a free online dating site. We had a lot in common, and our conversation was interesting, plus she was really cute, so I asked her if she wanted to get dinner one Friday evening. She told me she worked late that day, but would love to meet up for drinks after. I told her I knew a nice jazz lounge downtown, and we agreed to meet at 9 down there.

I arrived on time and saved her a seat. She came in 20 minutes late, apologizing because she had trouble finding parking. I told her it was no problem, and she came up and gave me a big hug. I could smell booze on her breath, which threw me off a bit, but I figured maybe she had a drink after work. We went to the bar and she ordered a shot of and a double vodka cran, and drank it in about 10 minutes. Over the next hour and a half she drank 3 more double and had another two shots while I nursed a couple beers.

When she spilled her fifth drink, the bartender cut her off. She started yelling about how he had no right and causing a scene. I apologized and coaxed her out the door. I told her that I didn’t think she should drive, so I’d call her a taxi. She said she didn’t have a car and wanted to ride home with me. When I asked her why she had told me she had a car she yelled at me, then started crying about how she had gotten a DUI and her life was ruined. I called her a taxi, made sure she was inside, and got away as fast as I could.

The one that got away…with my TV

After being single for over two years, I decided it was time to get back in the field, so I signed up for a free online dating site. I found a cute girl, and after sending a few messages back and forth I thought we were a perfect match. I work for an electronics company, and she told me she was really interested in technology. We chatted about our favorite websites, computers, Sci-Fi movies and other nerdy things. She got really excited when I told her about my entertainment system, so I thought to myself “This is perfect, just go for it!” I asked her if she’d like to come over this weekend and watch Star Wars on my new smart TV, and she said that she’d bring the wine!

She came over and I gave her the grand tour. She was really interested in learning how I had hooked it up with no visible wires. I showed her how it all came apart and went together and she was really excited. Then we had a nice meal (takeout from the Thai place down the street), watched the movie and had a couple drinks. We wound up cuddling on the couch (yes-I’m a cuddler), and I actually fell asleep. I thought it was really sweet of her when she woke me up and asked if we could move into the bed because I looked uncomfortable there.
I woke up at 8:30 the next morning and she was gone. I thought it was a bit strange that she had taken off without saying goodbye, but I figured maybe she just was an early riser. About half an hour later, after I had made my coffee, I went to turn on the news, and my jaw dropped. MY BRAND NEW 60’ TV WAS GONE. THIS GIRL WAS 5 FOOT 3 AND SHE STOLE MY 60’ FLATSCREEN!

I went back on the site to message her, but her profile was deleted. I tried Facebooking and Googling her name but all I got were women in other states. She had used a fake name, made a fake profile, found a tech nerd and robbed him blind.

So now I’m single, $2,000 in the hole and can’t watch Star Wars without tearing up a little bit. Watch out for people with fake profiles, and any 5 foot 3 girl Hawaiian girl named Kristen Zouicki.