Can Ex’s be Friends?

Often times break ups end with the classic, “we can still be friends!” line. The question then becomes, can ex’s be friends? Most people would answer a very hard and fast “no” to that question, but we’ve found that depending on how the relationship ended and what type of friendship you’re looking for can determine a lot when it comes to remaining friends with an ex loved one.

For starters, moving on from the relationship is something that you both need the time and space to do. Being in a relationship is far different than having a friendship with someone and you need to stop associating that person with romance if you ever hope to become friends. Take some time to yourself and spend it getting over your ex. Try a new hair style, switch up your everyday routine and maybe even go on a few dates. Once you’ve reached the point of no longer desiring to have them in your life in a romantic way, you’ll be on your way to a friendship.

After this it’s now time to figure out what kind of friendship you both want to have. While you might want a friendship where you stay close and see each other periodically, they may only want to be at a level where you’re cordial to each other. Either way, this is a conversation you need to have and need to respect how each other feels in regards to what you decide. With relationships boundaries are things that are a little more loosely bound, but with friendships it’s important to be clear on what your boundaries are, especially post-break-up friendships.

You also will need to consider the fact that while you may both be single for the moment, it’s unlikely to stay that way forever. Your new partner may not be comfortable with you being so close with and ex and you will have to decide if your friendship with you ex is more important than your blooming relationship. Sometimes it works out in the way that new partners will understand the friendship and not feel threatened by it, either way it can be a complicated road to navigate.

Before any of this you need to genuinely think about what it was that caused you to break up. For instance, if your partner cheated on you and you hold resentment towards them it’s probably not the healthiest idea to try and carve a friendship out of the carcass of your old relationship. However, if you ended simply because you wanted different things and just couldn’t see eye to eye anymore, then it’s promising that your friendship will stay intact. The important part of any relationship or friendship is trust, so if you can’t trust your partner in the relationship then you definitely won’t trust them as a friend and what’s the point in having friends you can’t trust?